


Peddler of Nonsense

by darkforetold



Category: Final Fantasy XIV
Genre: Alternate Universe - Coffee Shops & Cafés, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Amaurotine Warrior of Light (Final Fantasy XIV), F/M, Female Warrior of Light (Final Fantasy XIV), Matchmaking, Mischief
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-10
Updated: 2020-06-10
Packaged: 2021-03-04 02:27:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,574
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24646411
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/darkforetold/pseuds/darkforetold
Summary: Hythlodaeus plays matchmaker. Hades is annoyedbut thankful.“Shouldn’t you.. go flirt with her or something?”Aghast, Hades stepped back. “No.”“An interesting response. How long has she been coming in here?”Hades went tight-lipped, but loosened under those blue eyes. “Several months.”“And yet all you’ve spoken about is Greek mythology. Hmm. Well. At least you’ve scored yourself a nickname. That’s quite something.” Hythlodaeus fumbled with the cinnamon. “What about her? Did you give her one? The look on your face says no. Strange. I expected a man with your undeniable charm and good looks to be a veritable god speaking to customers—or crushes. Sheisa crush, isn’t she?”He narrowed his eyes at Hythlodaeus. “Has anyone told you you’re insufferableand annoying?”
Relationships: Solus zos Galvus | Emet-Selch/Warrior of Light
Comments: 10
Kudos: 53





	Peddler of Nonsense

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Antiloquist](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Antiloquist/gifts).



> No beta.
> 
> Dear Lycelle, this gift was supposed to be for the May-U Exchange on our discord server, but I had to drop for real life reasons. Here it is, though, months late! I hope that's okay! I think you're a wholesome, pure bean who always looks out for other people. You always spread love when you can and you're one of the most supportive people I've ever met. Thank you for the cute gifts you bought me a couple months ago, and for just being you in general! I hope you like this silly little Coffee Shop AU. ILUBB!! <33

It was pretentious, just like Lahabrea. Grandiose in its singular crystal chandelier and Victorian lounge chairs. Exceedingly unnecessary with its cold-drip coffee machine that took hours to prepare. Water rings stained the old antique tables that no one seemed to respect. It was the combined scent of old and coffee, of too-sugary sweets and alcohol that made his stomach turn. 

And while _Café Anyder_ was ridiculous and gaudy and arguably _annoying_ , its menu—a work of art. Carefully curated. Masterful. A customer could order a “Fuck It”, an iced Irish coffee at ten in the morning without judgment. A “Studying For Finals” with a triple shot of espresso, any time, any season. He dreamt of a place called Amaurot, its sunset a splash of oranges and reds—colors he’d always associate with love and summer. The drink—aptly named “Amaurotine Sunset”—was his favorite. Orange juice, a splash of sangria. Amaurot had skyscrapers as high as his dream eyes could see, so sometimes—only sometimes—he’d add julienned cucumbers.

Every day, _she_ would order an Amaurotine Sunset at 1400 hours.

—and it was 1:45 PM.

He wiped down the same table for the fifth time in the last ten minutes. Straightening chairs that were perfectly aligned and fluffing pillows that _didn’t need fluffing_. Behind the counter, he made sure that every coffee cup was stacked neatly and spotlessly clean. Their assortment of cookies, muffins and little cakes lined up like attentive little soldiers. _Café Anyder_ had never looked its best. _He_ had never looked his best, with crisp—

“Mind if I say something?” quipped a voice.

Impossibly blue eyes peered at him from over the tower of chocolate muffins. It was enough to startle him, but not because of the suddenness. Because _Café Anyder_ ’s newest employee—what was his name?—just happened to be the epitome of charm and good looks rolled into one. The quintessential “tall, dark and handsome” with a smile that could melt glaciers on the Antarctic coast.

He frowned, shrugging off the butterflies in his gut. “What is it?”

“I know we’ve just met and I barely know you.” His voice—a chime of bells. “But I know fretting when I see it. What’s got you worked up so much? Or is that just your natural charm?”

Blue Eyes flashed him a heart-stopping smile. He knew, right then, that their bone-dry tip jar wouldn’t stay that way for long with him around.

“I—“

The bell chimed overhead.

His stomach dropped. Heart sputtering.

Blue Eyes looked at the door, then sent him a sidelong glance and grinned. _Like he knew_.

1400 hours. The scent of lilac and vanilla. 

She was here, and he could hardly breathe.

He couldn’t turn to face her, stunned and nervous and unable to move. Behind him, the sound of her pretty heels drawing closer. The smell of her perfume stronger, drugging his senses. She was there—and he was overwhelmed. 

“Hello, Hades.”

Heartbeats like gunshots. Before he found the courage to turn around, before he could open his mouth—

“ _Hades_?” Blue Eyes questioned, zeroing in on him. “I thought your name was—“

“It’s a nickname,” he grated, giving him a glare.

“Who is your new friend?” she asked.

“Already a nuisance,” Hades answered dryly.

“Ignore him,” Blue Eyes said, fixed her with a stunning smile. “Tell me about this nickname.”

“Well. I—uh. I came in one day with this.. book—I don’t remember what it was, truly—and it turns out we both really love Greek mythology,” she offered gently. “So… Hades it was.”

“Adorable.” Blue Eyes smiled wide, warm and painfully genuine. Watching his favorite romcom come to life. “And how apt indeed. I must say ‘Hades’ fits him terribly well. I can’t imagine the god of the Underworld being the happiest fellow around. His moods are probably quite dour. Just like our practically jubilant friend here.”

“That’s one way to put it, I guess.” A girlish giggle, innocent and happy. “And what’s your name, then?”

“Hythlodaeus,” Hades cut in.

“Hyth—From Thomas More’s _Utopia_ , you mean?” she asked. “That name is known—“

“To mean _Peddler of nonsense_. And doesn’t that just suit him perfectly? I’ve hardly known him for a whole hour, and he’s the most nonsensical person _I have ever met_.”

“Now, you’re just flirting,” Hythlodaeus shot back coolly. He then tested the name on his tongue and grinned. Sly and charismatic and impossibly unperturbed. Mischief sparkling in his eyes. “Peddler of nonsense, you say? I quite like the sound of this Hythlodaeus fellow. I’ll be sure to do him justice and live up to my new name. Peddling nonsense and all that.”

“I’m sure you will,” Hades mumbled.

Hades dared a glance at her. Her smile was radiant, warm, full of sunlight and a hint of mischief. She leaned in closer, and his heart jumped in his chest. A ribbon of lilac tickled his nose. In a conspiratorial tone, she whispered, “You two get along so well. Don’t be too mean to him, okay? I like him.”

“Not something I can readily promise.”

“Hades—“

He issued a little sigh, defeated. “He gets _one_ chance.”

“Oh, _Hades_ —“ came Hythlodaeus’ sing-song voice several feet away, at the coffee machines.

“I already regret it.” He suffered her quiet giggle. “Your usual?”

“I think—I think it’s too cold for an Amaurotine Sunset. How about a regular ‘ol chai latte instead?”

“Cream? Extra cinnamon?”

“You remembered.” Her cheeks were flushed—probably from the cold outside. “I’ll be by the window. It’s so beautiful outside today. Did you see the snow?”

He couldn’t care to look beyond her pretty face. “I did. It was… adequate, I suppose.”

Her smile lingered, and the moment between them froze. Nothing but silence and gravity, pulling them closer. Her warmth—it was everything. What would it be like, holding her in his arms? The—

Somewhere, Hythlodaeus cleared his throat. Loudly.

“I—uh..” Hades coughed a little. “We’ll get that drink ready for you.”

She blushed and looked away. “Thank you.”

As quick as he could, he retreated to Hythlodaeus’ side. Not out of embarrassment—surely not—but to lord over him, to make sure her order was as perfect as she was. Hythlodaeus weathered the closeness with a cocked hip and a grin—then, at his continued silence, an arched brow. “So, what did she order?”

Hades snapped out of it. “A chai latte. Cream. Extra cinnamon. Do you need me to teach you? It has to be perfect. Anything less won’t be tolerated.”

He didn’t know Hythlodaeus well, that much was true. But he’d already learned that _that glint_ in his eyes meant mischief and nonsense. And he didn’t like it. Not one bit.

“I can totally see why she likes you. The way you speak to people—it’s nothing short of miraculous. Why, I’m utterly surprised the tip jar isn’t spilling over.”

“Are you always like this?”

“Charming? Irresistible?” Hythlodaeus winked. “Always.”

Hades crossed his arms to ward off Hythlodaeus’ charm. But it seeped into his bones, and his whole posture relaxed despite himself. At length, he rolled his eyes and motioned to the coffee machines. And Hythlodaeus—capable, dependable—went to it, albeit _not silently_.

“Shouldn’t you.. go flirt with her or something?”

Aghast, Hades stepped back. “No.”

“An interesting response. How long has she been coming in here?”

Hades went tight-lipped, but loosened under those blue eyes. “Several months.”

“And yet all you’ve spoken about is Greek mythology. Hmm. Well. At least you’ve scored yourself a nickname. That’s quite something.” Hythlodaeus fumbled with the cinnamon. “What about her? Did you give her one? The look on your face says no. Strange. I expected a man with your undeniable charm and good looks to be a veritable god speaking to customers—or crushes. She _is_ a crush, isn’t she?”

He narrowed his eyes at Hythlodaeus. “Has anyone told you you’re insufferable _and annoying_?”

“No—but surely someone has mentioned you’re adorable when you’re irritated, no?”

Hades went wide-eyed, then huffed and turned away from him altogether. Something _somewhere_ had to be sorted, he hoped. He fussed around the cash register for a time, tossing looks to her. She sat at her table, staring at the window. The sunlight streamed through, kissing her skin and casting a halo about her pale hair. She was beautiful, more than—

“You should ask her to dinner,” came a sudden voice beside him.

Hades took the offered chai with a glare. “Mind your own business.”

Undeterred, Hythlodaeus grinned. “Business minded, dear friend.”

He looked away—and there she was, standing at the counter. Her smile wide and beaming. He exchanged the order with her payment, no words spared. If only he’d had half of Hythlodaeus’ charm—

She looked down into the swirling cinnamon of her chai. Her brow crumpled in confusion. Something was wrong. Imperfect. Maybe there wasn’t enough cinnamon. Did Hythlodaeus accidentally add too much cream?

“There’s a heart in my drink.”

She looked up, and her expression, her smile—it couldn’t have been more warm.

“A—a heart, you say?”

“Yes.”

“In your drink?”

“Yes,” she confirmed. “There’s a heart in my drink.”

He looked down into the chai. A pale heart. Absolutely unmistakable. “There’s a heart in your drink.”

“Yes,” she said again.

“A heart?” Hythlodaeus chirped beside him. “Well, well. Look at that. There’s a heart in her drink. Who knew you were so artistic, Hades! And romantic besides!”

Hades glared at him, but it had no effect. Hythlodaeus wiggled his eyebrows and turned away, to wipe down the machine, the counter, anything to avoid his scathing looks. When Hades looked back at her, she’d already escaped to her corner by the window. Her pink phone was in her hands, and he heard the click of a camera. A photo of the heart in her chai. Her smile couldn’t have been more brilliant. It stretched ear-to-ear. She was happy.

He was not.

Thunderous steps brought him to Hythlodaeus’ side, his words a hiss in his ear. “I’ll have you fired by the end of the week.”

“Ah, but where's the fun in that, dear Hades? What would you do without your _peddler of nonsense_?"

Hades huffed, turned and stalked away. Embarrassed yet thankful all the same.

:::

Hades came in one morning to find Hythlodaeus frazzled, packing boxes with orders. But instead of moody like he himself was, his colleague fluttered from one station to the next like a little butterfly. Happy. Humming, even. Hythlodaeus beamed a smile at him and graciously didn’t mention that he was, in fact, late.

“Looks like a busy day ahead of us.”

“Indeed. A lot of morning orders. One birthday cupcake,” Hythlodaeus announced, like a single cupcake was important. After a round of silence and traded looks, Hythlodaeus said, “You realize it’s her birthday today, right?”

Hades frowned. “How on earth would you ever know that?”

“It’s the shop’s campaign. Get a free cupcake on your birthday.”

He forgot about it hours later when customer after customer came in and out. Grabbing orders, paying, leaving tips—thanks to Hythlodaeus’ winning smile—only for another two or three to come in. He’d call names, one after another, ring them up, oblivious, settling into a hectic rhythm.

A white small box slid into his view. Pink ribbon. A name on it. He didn’t think twice—

“Order for _‘Persephone’_!”

—until the name hit him square in the face. He shot a frantic glance at Hythlodaeus—who grinned and gave him a thumbs up—before turning and—

There she was, aglow with a smile. Delicate hands on either side of the box. Her eyes only on him. He flushed, stammered out a meager, “Happy birthday,” before avoiding her altogether. Ushering the next customer to come forward. He couldn’t see if she was smiling anymore, if she was there at all or if she’d left.

Hythlodaeus wore a stupid grin on his face for the rest of the day.

:::

Hythlodaeus’ peddling of nonsense hadn’t stopped there. The next few days were peppered with sly remarks about his _Persephone_ and annoying questions about when he’d make a move. Each comment met with one of his own glares—and each of _those_ rebuffed with Hythlodaeus beaming a winning, brilliant smile.

Curious then, when Hythlodaeus showed up one morning particular… dower. No smiles, just tight-lipped concentration while he went about his duties. His posture, his facial expressions—everything about his mannerisms belying that something was going on in his personal life. Hades didn’t ask. Hythlodaeus didn’t share.

So, when Hythlodaeus said suddenly, “I need to go right now. It’s an emergency,” at closing time, Hades let him go without making a fuss. Out the front door and into the wintery night. Hades closed up shop as he’d done many times before, and checked the storage room one last time—

—to find flour, cinnamon and coffee beans _everywhere_. 

Hades sucked in a calculated breath. Disorder faced him at every turn and he felt sick with it. Had Hythlodaeus done this somehow? If so, why hadn’t he mentioned it? Why—

He grit his teeth and set to work, and about an hour later, the storeroom was once at it was: clean, immaculate and none the worse for wear. He’d have a chat with Hythlodaeus the next morning—if he showed up—and that would be that. He debated what he’d say to him as he shut the storeroom’s door—when a sound from the front put his senses on high alert.

Dim lighting poured in through the hallway. Out in the main area—

_She_ stood there, in a pretty flower dress, cheeks flushed rose.

Hades searched the café for answers. The silent coffee machines stared back at him. Darkness and orderly everywhere except—for her little corner. A string of lights outlined the window. Two candles fought off the pitch-black night of winter. It was cozy. Romantic.

“Hythlodaeus just left,” she whispered. “He said you wanted to surprise me. But something tells me our peddler of nonsense is at it again. Who knew he’d be Cupid instead?”

Hades didn’t smile. He stood frozen.

“I can leave..”

“No,” he snapped. Embarrassed, he cleared his throat. “I mean… please stay.”

They talked for hours that night, eating the cupcake Hythlodaeus had left for each of them. Sipped at their lattes, both with hearts swirling in cinnamon cream chai. She was beautiful, her pale hair catching candlelight. Her smile warmer than he’d ever seen it. Her silver eyes glittering with happiness. He’d never experienced a more perfect evening—and she was the one person he’d never want to be without again.

“Will you…” He couldn’t look her in the eyes. “What I mean to say is… uh—will you see me again?”

She ducked below his sight to meet eye-to-eye. Her smile.. wide and brilliant—and mischievous. “Are you asking me out on a date, Hades?”

“No,” he said directly. 

Her face fell.

“I’m asking you to be my Persephone.”

She covered her mouth with her hands, but it was no use. The sunrise of her smile shone bright and true.

“Yes, of course I’ll be your Persephone!”

She placed a soft kiss on his mouth, and his entire body lit up with the warmth of it. Amid candlelight, lattes and cupcakes, he found his true happiness—in the warmth of her smile and love.

All thanks to his very own peddler of nonsense.

**Author's Note:**

> Do you want a place where you can scream about Emet-Selch* and be totally, completely accepted and loved? Come over to [Emet-Selch's Wholesomely Debauched and Enabling Book Club](https://discord.gg/ctR3S9H). We'd love you have you! ♥
> 
> * ~~or any other character in FFXIV~~


End file.
